Four Dog Weekend

Yulia, me and four dogs on the bed. Four because cousin Jack the Pug’s in for a visit. I’m sure if you put him to the yard stick, old Jack (about 8 or 9) would be 2 ft short of half the shit they measure in a pug. His bug eyes google at you; his long snout pokes too far out. He’s shaped not like the “ideal” squarish pug champion formula, but instead a tootsie roll deformed by a summer’s day. My brother and sister-in-law got a good deal on him apparently due to his non-ideal-pugness from some pet store who was trying to unload him. Like me, they of course found him ideal for all the right reasons.

Now Sophie was a gift adoption to Yulia and me by a young mother who met me in the dog run. I’d said “What a cute pug,” and heard “You want her?” Of course unbeknownst to me, several other people in the run had been similarly scripted. I guess I won because I told her I’d teach her how to keep her pug. I also told her I could help her in the job department, as I am of course TheResumeGenius.com by god. It turned out she was looking to re-enter the working world for the first time since having her well-behaved, if a bit hyper boy. (She got a job within 3 weeks of posting her resume.)

There were some hard feelings in the run when I walked in with 3 dogs I can tell you. Delilah was worth 3 dogs alone with her motor. Why the hell I adopted a third dog is complicated, but one reason was the profound depression gripping me as old Fucky started to lose his appetite and walked so gingerly I thought he’d be gone in a week as I would never let the poor old boy suffer. The main reason is that Fucky’s declining health reminded me of my father’s who had just passed away 2 months previously. As it turned out, old Fucky pulled through and a new long-walk exercise regimen I put him on helped his kidney function and appetite immensely.

Suffering from a severe chronic pain condition myself, I had no business having 3 dogs, but practicality’s never been a foremost scale-tipper in my 43 years, so why start now. I’ve always led with the sucker-heart the old man left me with and done my cogitatin’ afterwards. Thus Sir Sophie… the beknighted pug (we’re still not sure why).

Now here’s the thing: Sophie’s an adorable, cute-as-a-really-cute button sociopath. She has no remorse (save perhaps an extra ass wiggle on the way to her kennel for “time out”) and no shame. Put to the measuring stick and a yard’s a yard, almost in every way. Now don’t get me wrong… I love the little bitch more than any man should love a Dewclaw Killer, but emotively, she’s no Jack-the-Pug.

Jack’s not the smartest whip either, but he’s a sensitive little bugger. Like the rest of this house, save Sophie, he suffers from depression - albeit a milder case like Delilah’s. Fucky’s literally on Prozac due to an “I think I’ll lick my fur off” obsession - and a now dorment propensity to bite the hand that pets him. Delilah’s not clinically depressed, but she’s over-sensitive to things like Lucky’s absence due to weekends with his other mom and stepdad, my ex Karen and her boyfriend Craig.

Lucky, Delilah and Jack are all soulful dogs whereas Sophie is as unaffected as a cheerleading captain at Jesus Camp. But damn do I love her… and besides, she claims no religious affiliation, save Sham-Wowism. But that’s another post.

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I kind of envy Dilly’s being so sensitive and concerned but not depressed. Which side did she get that from? Certainly not mine.
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